When my son was born, he came home to a house full of baby gates. I was recovering from an unexpected C-Section and had really had no idea what to expect when I got home. I’d prepared. I’d trained. I’d prepped. But game time is different from practice.
How was I going to manage my 5mo puppy and my senior dog? How was I going to meet their needs, my needs, and the baby’s constantly changing needs all while recovering from major surgery?
At first, the easy answer was gates.
I’d spent a lot of time during my pregnancy prepping my dogs for Campbell’s arrival. We acclimated to baby gear, we spent time building calm skills, we got used to being in the same room but separated by gates or tethers. I taught my dogs remote cues so I could easily send them away if I needed. We drilled not jumping when people came in. We practiced laying down automatically when I’d sit down. They got good at being alone. All of these were super useful skills, but none of them truly prepared me for what it was going to be like figuring out what this new life was going to look like- and I don’t think anything ever can prepare you for what it is like to bring home your first child.
The first morning home, we continued our practice- but with a real baby this time. I fed my puppy through a baby gate while she practiced her remote skills. But this time, the practice didn’t end. I didn’t get up to pet her or roll around on the ground with her. I spent the day away from my dogs- sequestered behind a multitude of baby gates.
That night, I sobbed in the shower. I missed them.
They’d been my everything until Cam arrived and I wasn’t sure how to have both. Did having Cam mean I’d never spend time with my dogs again?
I was 2 days post C-Section when we held a puppy playgroup at my house. The dog trainer in me never stops ticking, even when recovering from surgery. I’d set this group up so my puppy could have some good decompression time. So come 2:00pm, my puppy’s friends all came over and I sat on the porch with Cam in the stroller- behind a baby gate- while my husband supervised playground with the other puppy parents. So there I was, behind a gate. Separated from my dogs. Even at day 2, I missed everything I used to do with them. I couldn’t imagine managing like this forever. It was daunting and overwhelming. I felt like it had been forever since I actually pet my dogs. It had only been 2 days.
As Cam and I got to know each other and as I healed, I made a decision to not let Cam keep us perpetually isolated by gates. What I had neglected to realize in my prep and manic assembly of a variety of baby gates, is that the preparations and practice didn’t mean my dogs were doomed to spend their life isolated from the family, just slightly out of my reach behind a baby gate. But all this practice and prep had set us up for successful and safe inclusion. Sure the gates added physical separation, but that didn’t mean the dogs couldn’t be included. So, I decided to shift my mindset from one of separation to one of inclusion.
Because we’d spent so much time practicing, it was easier than I expected for my dogs to be successful with “dog and baby on scene, parent in-between”- starting with Cam being worn.
It was day 5 when I was healed and comfortable enough to start wearing Cam so that he could safely join us for a morning ball session in the yard- even for just 10 minutes at a time. This became a new part of our daily ritual. Three times a day, he joined us for ball in the yard. The next week, I wore him while practicing leash skills with the puppy in our driveway. I then wore him for scent work in the garage on rainy days. The following week, I fed him on the couch with my husband and our senior dog laying near by. Later, he happily sat in his Baby Bjorn bouncer behind a gate while I hung out with the dogs on the couch to drink my coffee. The week after that, we started hiking again- Cam perpetually in the pouch.
Cam was a terrible napper as a young baby. And as it turned out- the only place he would sleep was while walking the dogs in the pouch. And so we walked. A lot. Cam has now hiked miles and miles with “his” dogs. In his own baby way, he’d show that he was excited to load up and get on the move, wiggling his arms and legs and flashing a gummy smile as I pulled out our walking gear.
Now, at 9 months old, he still joins us for fetch every morning and is starting to develop his own daily rituals with the dogs. He’s famous at the vet, has attended two levels of obedience classes, barn hunt classes, FastCat trials, dock diving sessions, tracking lessons, group walks, Sniffspot visits, and more- all from the comfort and safety of his pouch. He is capable of playing independently in his own success station- while I sit on the couch with the dogs. He’s seeing from a young age that caring for and including the dogs in our daily life is just what we do.
The dogs make him laugh on a daily basis. They were the first beings he independently waved to. They choose to be close to him. They take turns supervising his activities and they’ve each developed their own unique relationship with him as he’s aged. Nala helps with story time and Pepper helps with snack clean up. They bring him the ball, wait patiently for snacks, and let him hold their leashes (with my help!) We still have all of our gates set up- in fact, we have more gates now than we did back then, but they are integrated into our daily lives as a means of inclusion- not isolation. Cam has his own success stations, as do the dogs. I no longer view them as keeping us separate. They’ve allowed me to include the dogs at every step of the way and for us to slowly and safely grow the relationship between Cam and the dogs. It has been the coolest thing to see my dogs develop this loving and respectful relationship with the baby all because we took it slow. We will continue to do “dog and baby on scene, parent in-between” and make adjustments as everyone ages and develop new needs. But I am so excited to see this relationship grow.
From one parent to another- it is possible. I know it feels daunting right now, but you can still have a relationship with your dogs once your baby arrives. With a little prep and creative thinking, safety and inclusion are not far off.
Best,
Kelsey Rhinelander- IAABC-ADT, FDM
Family Paws Phrase “Dog and baby on the scene, a parent in between.”
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